This morning I almost killed a Pigeon. While cycling to work, my borrowed bike narrowly swerved away, leaving me red-faced. However, it gave me an idea for an article; Our generosity in feeding these humble little street friends has eroded their threat perceptions. In the pigeon's mind, a road is a safe place, and it felt no urgency to get out of the way.

Like the humble pigeon, we, too, have been over-socialised. In our quest to become urbane, we gather in buildings inherently designed to elucidate our intelligence; the university, the library, the coffee shop, the bookies, and the worst place of all, the cinema.

I've been around for a while; I know the deal. Flannel shirt and Tote, A24, glances at the other filmgoers as you sink into your seat; that warm feeling of being amongst the middle-class, nostalgia of school, of home (before you fell out with Mum or Dad).

But film is not theatre. What should be a 1 on 1 experience with the movie becomes a 360 audience-driven pantomime, laughs informed by others' laughs, messy popcorn and "excuse me, can I get past, I need the toilet."

We are Film critics; we must strive for an experience that does this justice.

Therefore I'd like to champion the humble movie pirate, for only they have genuinely understood the form.


Movie piracy has always been an art form. It's amateur filmmaking. In the golden years, the genio del regista was beautiful; the technique to sneak a camera into the cinema, film the couple in front of them making out while also the whole feature film, then BURN it onto a CD ROM and distribute amongst pubs and door to door, systems like these are why I believe in human ingenuity.

In modern times, movie piracy has changed, adapted to the new Net 2.0, post-Limewire days. Piracy, like movie renting, has shifted onto streaming platforms, but the romance is still there. Long gone are the silhouettes in front of a screen, and now we're truly spoiled with 720p rips straight from the DVD.

Sure, film purists lament the lack of a community that rejecting the cinema brings. Still, I think the Sky Bet and Hot single milfs near you help retain that intangible sense of humanity you need when you watch a film.

Furthermore, there's a palpable sense of achievement to it you can't get from going to the cinema. The critical thought employed to click the correct X, the constant battles with pop-up tabs, and finding a stream that works.

It's hard but rewarding work.

But, like a lot of other things we do in the dark, It has become taboo.



Bringing Brad Pitt and Sandra Bullet into somewhere intimate like my bedroom has its own set of ethical implications; they become voyeurs to an overflowing laundry basket, those little astroturf bits, old mugs and dirty plates.

It takes away from the company's profits, undersells a film's success, and encourages theft.

And so the response is to persecute the consumer, fines from the police and service shut off by Sky or BT.

But no matter how they try to stop the humble movie pirate, the romance of the experience always draws them back in.

I'll leave you with some food for thought:

"Pirates were Pirates because they needed money, but they sure as hell appreciated the beauty of The sea along the way."

by Max Mason, January 2023.

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