To be a Londoner is to be busy, to keep up with the grindstone of popular culture or face societal disenfranchisement.
As experience editor for The Film Pupil I am perpetually busy. Last Friday was no different; tasked with reviewing the new Brad Pitt movie. I set off to the alluring lights of Cineworld.
Cinemas are the last vestige of a Halcyon, forgotten era. A place where 25 noisy, smelly members of the public devour their snacks in front of the latest cultural offering. It is, in fact, a tremendous offering for those well into their student overdrafts, afforded the escapism of a warm, scarcely lit place; populated by comfy seats and staff who aren't paid enough to care if you bring in your own food.
But most of all, I am given the smug superiority of supporting the film industry by viewing the film as intended (Those of you who sit in your TW2 living rooms with flat screens should be ashamed) contented as I stuff a co-op meal deal into my backpack.
Taking the H22 route was the wrong choice, in retrospect. My eyes began to well up with tears as I was chauffeured through Whitton high street. Flanked on both sides by monotonous architecture coiled like Ivy around the tracksuit-laden pedestrians. The traffic felt like torture, observing the highstreet was just as scarring as being forced to review The Hitmans Wife’s Bodyguard.
Upon my arrival at Feltham Leisure park, I felt a brief Proustian rush of emotion; so much of my childhood had been shaped by birthday parties in this place, it was a privilege to return for my work.
Walking through the chartreuse-coloured entrance, I was comforted by the familiar smell of warm popcorn, designed to signal to the id that you are in a place of safety.
Arriving at the till fumbling around in my pocket to pull out a crinkled-up QR code allowing free entry to the evening viewing courtesy of the Nectar points scheme. I see pity in the eyes of the cashier serving me, telling me which screen as she points out I've missed the first five minutes already. So I scurry along to screen five, and after a brief foray with the flashlight, my work as critic begins.
It's clear that the dynamic between Tangerine (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) and Lemon (Brian Tyree Henry) is the clear comedic vehicle in the movie, with the tried and tested serious, unserious dynamic in full show as the two characters interact in droplets of Thomas the Tank Engine references and Cockney rhyming slang.
Brad Pitt's role in the movie is in line with many of his roles throughout the mid-2000s, smooth-talking, comedic, the camera often fixated purely on him. When we depart from Pitt, it's often the case that you are left thinking it's only a matter of time before he returns. Although the premise is centred around a briefcase, really, the film is centred around Pitt’s character Ladybug and his sporadic ephemeral philosophical musings.
Luckily, unlike many modern films, the dialogue was clear and forthright; therefore, one can easily hear what's spoken, despite the best efforts of row E seat 5's incessant snacking.
I found the pacing of the film to be very complimentary, packed with action but also set out well enough that I wasn't worn out at the end of the 2 hour run time. A particular highlight of the pacing was the frequent return of a venomous snake whose threat, even when not on screen, leaves an anxious tension in the air of the cinema as the audience all wait in anticipation for the obvious payoff.
Of course, the film has its flaws, but unlike reviews in the Observer and Roger Ebert, I'm not going to treat it as something it isn't. If you had come to Cineworld expecting Casablanca, you would surely be disappointed.
But that's not what the film is created for.
When treated as a piece of entertainment,
Bullet Train (David Leitch, 2022)
finds itself well placed. The film isn't out to offend you or make you cry but instead, to take up your time for a few hours and distract you from your miserable lives.
The film's denouement is satisfying, scored by a lovely rendition of the folk ballad 500 Miles; each plot point is neatly tied together. Pitt's survival is slightly jarring as the film would be made so much more interesting if they killed off the A-lister, alas it stayed true to the book which it preceded. but that doesn't take away from the plot as the viewer can leave the movie not as a changed person but with a slight smile at the chaos that’s just unfurled.
So as I exit the warm atmosphere of Feltham Cineworld, untempted to sneak into another picture, feet sticking to the jumbo cola-laden carpets of the lobby, I felt exactly as I would have hoped, satisfied with my choice and looking forward to when I skip pass it on Netflix in 2023 when trying to watch the same episode of Friends again.
Bullet Train: 3/5
Cineworld: 3/5
Distance from Staines: Not far enough.
by Max Mason, September 2022.
